Are You Sure?

A growth moment from my son.

Hello Partner-in-Growth,

It was a Tuesday morning when my son walked into the kitchen as I was making breakfast. I was frying plantains and asked him if he’d like me to add some to his lunch.

“No,” he said and walked away.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Mummy, stop asking ‘are you sure?’ when I’ve given you my answer.”

I was taken aback. Okay, young man, take it easy.

“Do I always ask ‘are you sure’?”

“Yes, like you’re trying to change my mind. I don’t like it.”

Ouch.

“So your no means no.”

“Yes.”

I felt scolded. The last thing I want to do is manipulate my child. He’s right, I always ask if he’s sure. I needed to hear that. But it was also a proud mom moment for me.

He knew what he wanted, which showed decisiveness. I love it!

It made me start thinking, my question of ‘are you sure?’ is not just something I ask my son. I ask myself that too, and many times, I become indecisive as a result.

There’s a place for reviewing one’s decisions, especially when it is a bad one. But what about the good decisions that we start to question, leading us into compromising situations?

Being decisive is something I’ve struggled with growing up, and my son calling me out on it was necessary. I don’t want my children to be indecisive. I want them to know who they are and to be confident in what they want.

The way we make decisions is rooted in our understanding of who we are.

Our identity.

Our decisions come from our beliefs and values. When we struggle with this, it exposes us to being easily influenced or becoming people-pleasers. And these traits are rooted in fear.

Fear was my biggest war growing up. I don’t want my children to be afraid.

I can’t achieve this by just saying what I don’t want them to be; I have to live it out. And when I start to behave differently from what they’re learning from me, I hope they recognize it and call me out on it, whether intentionally or not.

I’m letting go of the negatives of my inner child so that I can bring healing to my own children.

Whenever you make a decision that is clear and you start to second-guess it, look out for the ‘are you sure?’ questions you ask yourself unconsciously. And who, or what, made you ask?

And I learned, this is a trait that leads to self-sabotage. May we heal from the negative influences of our past and become an healthy influence to the next generation in Jesus Name. Amen.

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Life Update

By the way, my first son is turning six next month, and I’ve been brainstorming ways to make this birthday truly memorable for him.

I still can’t believe I’m a mom to a six-year-old. Scream!

Lately, I’ve noticed he’s becoming more introspective, and I really want this birthday to be more than just cake and party packs. He’s into coloring now, so I’m thinking of planning a meaningful coloring party. He already loves the idea, and I’ve got a few weeks to pull it off. Fingers crossed.

His younger brother is a little over four months old, and I’m absolutely in love with his personality. His smiles are my lifeline these days. Those stunning, toothless grins? Priceless. No matter how exhausted I feel, his smile changes everything! I’m grateful for him every single day.

So, how am I doing?

I’m here. I’m showing up as a mom who wants to be present and enjoy this season.

Some days, aside from my staple mom duties, I find myself scrolling endlessly through social media. On more productive days, I read (doing a lot more of that lately), get a few chores done, and sneak in some rest. Other days, I just watch a movie.

The day flies by. Before I know it, my older son is back from school, and I have to shift gears.

Life has been exhaustingly beautiful. I’m not complaining.

So far, I’ve been;

• Limiting my internet access. I stay offline for most of the day. For sanity.

• Learning to embrace my new life while still grieving my old one as a mom of one. Life has changed.

• Redefining what devotion looks like. Instead of beating myself up, I’m taking it one day at a time, knowing God meets me right where I am.

• Encouraging myself in the Lord because this journey gets better.

• Reading parenting books. Especially on raising boys. Learning, unlearning, and reading plenty of other books too.

That’s about it from me. You nko? How are you doing?

Side Note: I’m writing and editing this at around 2:44 AM. Not my brightest idea because how do I regain the hours of sleep I just lost? But if I don’t do it now, while my eyes are wide open, then when? I count it all joy. 😆 Nobody send me message.

Till I write to you again,

Keep growing.